image 15 January, 2019

The Crown: The Jewel of Jealousy-Part Two

How do I know this to be true?

I know because I, at one point in time, had exchanged one of my authentic fine jewels for the counterfeit jewel of jealousy. I grappled with feelings of inadequacy. I thought that others didn’t deserve the blessings they had because I thought I deserved them. I thought I was better than them. Insecurity will make you arrogant; thinking you are “bigger and better” than you are to hide the pain of inadequacy. I found myself at times wishing somebody else wouldn’t succeed and pointing out their flaws so it would justify and solidify why I thought I was better than them.

I remember after my parents divorce I became “secretly” jealous of my cousins due to the fact that their parents were still together. I thought they had the “perfect” life. That whole notion of being secretly jealous is, in a sense, an oxymoron because it will manifest itself in the open and in not so subtle ways. I resented them. I would see on social media and hear about their family trips and I’d boil inside just broken and hurt. Crying out to God, why can’t I have that? Why can’t my family be like that? It’s not until several years later that God provided me the opportunity to see inside their “perfect” world. During that time I saw how broken their family was. The anger that was in them. I could identify those elements because I used to be angry and broken. I could see the dysfunction. I could discern how hurt my cousins were due to the dysfunction in the family. In that moment I repented and I truly understood the saying that “all that glitters ain’t gold.

See, the thing with jealousy is that it is a blinding counterfeit. It blinds us from not only our own worth but also to the struggles of others; to the sacrifices it took for them to have all that we think they don’t deserve. For years, I walked around with that counterfeit jewel thinking it made my crown more valuable when in actuality it drastically lowered its value. I saw the counterfeit and I exchanged it for my true authentic jewel. I wanted my authentic jewel back. And so I worked on myself. I went through the soul work process of undoing all that I had come to believe was true. I had to fix my faulty perception of self. I had to dispel the lies of I’m not worthy or I’m not adequate

For in actuality, I am worthy, I am valuable, and I am enough. And so it is.
To be continued...

Read Part One

All that glitters isn't gold.

Leave A Comment